One of the more complex relationships is that of a convert to their biological parents. On the one hand they are the child’s parents and comes with that the love and caring that any child has for a parent. On the other hand, after the conversion the child is not halachically related to the parent’s anymore. This creates many halachic situations as we shall discuss throughout this sefer. One specific area of discussion is how the child relates to the parents immediately following their passing, more specifically related to reciting kaddish. The question is whether the child can recite kaddish for his biological parent or is this to be avoided. Indeed, the poskim maintain that a convert can pray for the health of an ailing parent. (Refer to Umekareiv Biyamin vol. 1 Siman 5) What needs to be clarified is whether kaddish is different. 

Section 1: The Views Of The Poskim
Rav Ahron Walkin zt”l (Zaken Ahron 2 Y.D. 87) was asked this very question and he writes simply that while he is not obligated to do so, it is definitely permitted to do so. He basis this on the teaching of the Rama that one may recite kaddish for a Jewish renegade who rebelled against Hashem. If one can recite kaddish for a Jew who actively sinned, all the more so that we can recite kaddish for a non-Jew who did not actively revolt against Judaism, as he is not Jewish. Rav Ovadia Yosef zt”l (Yechave Daas 6:60) likewise rules that it is permitted for him to recite kaddish.
Rav Walkin notes that we tend to avoid to offer halachic rulings that seem strange to the Orthodox public, such as reciting kaddish for a non-Jew. Therefore, if he finds himself around people that knows that he is a convert and that his father was not Jewish it is better for him to recite Tehillim for his father’s soul, as opposed to reciting kaddish. If, however, he is in a location where they do not know his familial background, he may recite Kaddish.
Rav Yaakov Hillel shlit”a (Vayeishev Hayam 3:38) discusses this question at length. He maintains that since the purpose of kaddish is to alleviate the soul’s suffering in Gehinnom and in order to aid the soul’s elevation it is not something that is appropriate to be recited for a non-Jew. The soul of a Jew differs from that of a non-Jew and the prayer of kaddish will ultimately help that of a Jewish soul and not that of a non-Jew.109

Summary and Conclusion
The poskim debate whether a convert may recite kaddish for his biological parent. According to Rav Ahron Walkin zt”l while he is not obligated to do so, it is definitely permitted to do so. Rav Walkin notes that we tend to avoid to offer halachic rulings that seem strange to the Orthodox public, such as reciting kaddish for a non-Jew. Therefore, if he finds himself around people that knows that he is a convert and that his father was not Jewish it is better for him to recite Tehillim for his father’s soul, as opposed to reciting kaddish. If, however, he is in a location where they do not know his familial background, he may recite Kaddish. This is also the view of Rav Ovadia Yosef zt”l. However, Rav Yaakov Hillel shlit”a opposes the idea of a convert reciting kaddish for his non-Jewish parent. He maintains that since the purpose of kaddish is to alleviate the soul’s suffering in Gehinnom and in order to aid the soul’s elevation it is not something that is appropriate to be recited for a non-Jew. For normative halacha, a rabbi should be consulted.

The role of minhagim, customs, are essential to Judaism and dictate how many, if not all Jewish rituals are performed. Often times a baal teshuva will be unsure as to which customs to follow. For example, a man of sefardic background was born and raised non-observant as his father had strayed from the path of orthodoxy. Bchasdei Hashem he became observant with the help of a Chabad rabbi. He is now facing the following dilema. Should he keep sefardic customs, as after all he is of sefardic background. Or perhaps he should follow Chabad customs as it was due to chabad influences that he became religious, similar to the statement of the Gemara that one who teaches another person Torah it is as if he gave birth to him.

Two things are worth noting before analyzing the question at hand. Firstly, we are discussing the case of a sefardic man who became religious through Chabad. This is an example of a question that may arise. In truth the same analysis would apply if someone of Chabad background became religious through a sefrardic rabbi or a man of litvish background became religious through a chassidish rabbi etc. Secondly, the whole discussion amongst the poskim only applies when the baal teshuva’s father strayed from the path of religious life and his son was in turn not raised with any customs or religious views. In such a situation there is room to discuss whether the child should follow his family customs or the rabbi’s. However, if someone was raised in a religious home, with familial customs, and then strayed from the path and subsequently became religious again, all agree that he follows his familial customs.

Section 1: The View of Rav Ovadia Yosef zt”l
Rav Ovadia Yosef zt”l was asked regarding a young man of ashkenazik background who was not observant who went to Israel and there, with the influence of a sefardic rabbi, he became observant. He began following sefardic customs and davening using the sefardic nusach of Eidut Mizrach as this was the custom of his rabbi. The question posed to Rav Ovadia is whether he should continue to follow sefardic custom or should he change to follow the custom of his family background?
Rav Ovadia writes that he should continue following the sefardic custom and not the custom of his biological family. (Shu”t Yabia Omer 10:9) Rav Ovadia maintains that when this young man’s father went off the derech he in essence severed his familial customs. And when his son was born and raised non-observant he in essence had no mesorah of customs to follow. Therefore, since a sefardic rabbi influenced him and taught him he essentially joined the sefardic mesorah regarding customs and his “father” regarding customs is now his rebbe.
According to the line of reasoning of Rav Ovadia, in our discussion the young man should follow chabad customs, that of his rabbi, and not sefardic customs despite the fact that he is of sefardic descent. A similar ruling is given by Rav Moshe Shternbuch shlit”a. (Teshuvos VHanhagos 1:354)

Section 2: The View of Rav Shlomo Zalman Auerbach zt”l
The opinion of Rav Ovadia Yosef zt”l and ybc”l Rav Moshe Shternbuch shlit”a that one who strays from the path of observant Judaism essentially severs his lineage regarding customs and his son can now potentially choose another path is quite novel. One can easily argue that since one’s family is Ashkenazik (for example) he is part of that community that has accepted to follow the view of the Rama and it is not something that he can change. Merely being born into that community should seemingly dictate which customs he must follow irregardless of whether he or his father has been observant or not. A similar argument was advanced by Rav Shlomo Zalman Auerbach zt”l. (Halichos Shlomo Tefilah Chapter 5 Note 37)
Rav Shlomo Zalman concludes that while it is preferable to adhere to his father’s customs if he feels strongly he may conitnue using the custom’s of his rebbi. Therefore in our situation it would be preferable for him to follow sefardic tradition, however, if he feels strongly he can continue with chabad customs.

Section 3: The View of Rav Chaim Pinchas Sheinberg zt”l
Rav Chaim Pinchas Sheinberg zt”l is of the opinion that one cannot break his or her mesorah regarding customs and as long as that community still exists in some form he must adhere to those customs. Someone of ashkenazik descent must keep ashkenazik customs. Someone of sefardic descent must keep sefardic customs etc. (Kuntres Shoalim Betshuva 7) In our situation the young man must keep sefardic customs and not that of his rabbi. (Refer also to Rav Yaakov Hillel shlit”a Vayeishev Hayam 3:7)

Summary And Conclusion
Often baalei teshuva are unsure what to do regarding minhagim, or customs. For example a man of sefardic background was born and raised non-observant as his father had strayed from the path of orthodoxy. Bchasdei Hashem he became observant with the help of a Chabad rabbi. He is now facing the following dilema. Should he keep sefardic customs, as after all he is of sefardic background. Or perhaps he should follow Chabad customs as it was due to chabad influences that he became religious.
There are three opinions amongst the poskim. A) Rav Ovadia Yosef zt”l maintains that when this young man’s father went off the derech he in essence severed his familial customs. And when his son was born and raised non-observant he in essence had no mesorah of customs to follow. According to the line of reasoning of Rav Ovadia, in our discussion the young man should follow chabad customs, that of his rabbi, and not sefardic customs despite the fact that he is of sefardic descent. A similar ruling is given by Rav Moshe Shternbuch shlit”a. B) Rav Shlomo Zalman Auerbach zt”l argues that since one’s family is Ashkenazik (for example) he is part of that community that has accepted to follow the view of the Rama and it is not something that he can change. Merely being born into that community should seemingly dictate which customs he must follow regardless of whether he or his father has been observant or not. Rav Shlomo Zalman concludes that while it is preferable to adhere to his father’s customs if he feels strongly he may continue using the custom’s of his rebbi. Therefore in our situation it would be preferable for him to follow sefardic tradition, however, if he feels strongly he can continue with chabad customs. C) Rav Chaim Pinchas Sheinberg zt”l is of the opinion that one cannot break his or her mesorah regarding customs and as long as that community still exists in some form he must adhere to those customs. Someone of ashkenazik descent must keep ashkenazik customs. Someone of sefardic descent must keep sefardic customs etc. In our situation the young man must keep sefardic customs and not that of his rabbi.

When one loses a family member it is customary to recite mourner’s kaddish to elevate their souls during the year of their passing. An interesting question can arrise to those that are involved in kiruv. A child who was not-yet observant lost a parent and did not recite kaddish during the year of mourning. Years later he becomes observant and now wishes to recite kaddish for a year in order to “make up” for the kaddish prayers he did not recite during the year after their passing. Is this permitted to be done or is there a halachic problem involved.

Section 1: The View Not To Recite Kaddish
The reason to prohibit reciting kaddish in this instance is based upon a teaching of the Rama (Y.D. 376:4) who explains that the Talmudic Sages teach that the maximum that a very wicked person is punished in the afterlife in gehinom is 12 months. The public recitation of kaddish shields the departed soul from this punishment. Hence, kaddish is recited during the first year after a parent’s passing. However, the custom is to recite kaddish for 11 months only. Saying kaddish the entire 12 months would give the impression that the deceased was a very wicked person who needs protection the entire 12 months.
If reciting kaddish during the twelfth month is avoided because it gives off the impression that the parent was wicked and is still being punished. All the more so that reciting the kaddish years later would imply that the parent is still in need of protection from punishment and should be prohibited.
Indeed, Rav Avraham Yitzchak Hakohen Kook zt”l (Shu”t Daas Cohen 217) was asked regarding a child saying kaddish in the instance where, due to confusion, it is unclear whether the child is currently in the tenth month after the parent’s passing or in the twelfth. He rules that the child should not do so, since there is a possibility that he is in the twelfth month it would be inappropriate to recite kaddish. It would be safe to assume that in our situation, Rav kook would advise against reciting kaddish.

Section 2: The View To Recite Kaddish
Rav Yaakov Hillel shlit”a (Vayeishev Hayam 1:18) discusses this very question and he maintains that one should recite kaddish and that it is based upon the teachings of the Ari z”l.
The Ari z”l explains that Kaddish helps the departed not just to alleviate the punishment of Gehinnom, but also to elevate the soul in Gan Eden. It is for this reason that we recite kaddish on Shabbos and Yom Tov, despite the fact that all souls receive a respite from Gehinnom on Shabbos and Yom Tov.
The Ari z”l disagrees with the Rama and maintains that kaddish should be said in the twelfth month as well. This can be easily understood with the fact that the Ari z”l feels that kaddish is meant to not only alleviate the soul from the punishments of Gehinnom but to elevate the soul in Gan Eden. The Chida cites the view of the Ari z”l and writes that many recite kaddish into the twelfth month, but only refrain from the doing so the last week of the year of mourning.
Previously, we cited the Talmudic Sages who teach that the maximum that a very wicked person is punished in the afterlife in gehinom is twelve months. However, according to the Ari z”l not everyone goes to gehinom immediately after one passes. There are evil people that are not worthy of beginning the “cleanse” of gehinnom right away. And it would be possible for one’s year of punishment to begin time after the person’s passing. Refer to Hebrew footnotes for further elaboration of this view.
Based upon the above views of the Ari z”l, Harav Yaakov Hillel shlit”a maintains that in our situation one should recite Kaddish for his parent, despite the fact that it has been years since the passing. One should not worry that it gives off the impression that the parent was wicked and is still being punished since kaddish is effective in elevating the soul once it is peaceful in Gan Eden. In addition, it is possible that the twelve months of Gehinnom began years after the passing and soul is currently in gehinnom and in need of protection. A similar ruling was given to the author by Hagaon Rav Yitzchak Meir Morgenstern shlit”a.

Conclusion of the Poskim
The poskim address the following halachic question. A child who was not-yet observant lost a parent and did not recite kaddish during the year of mourning. Years later he becomes observant and now wishes to recite kaddish for a year in order to “make up” for the kaddish prayers he did not recite during the year after their passing.
Some poskim prohibit the recitation of kaddish based upon a teaching of the Rama who explains that the Talmudic Sages teach that the maximum that a very wicked person is punished in the afterlife in gehinom is 12 months. The public recitation of kaddish shields the departed soul from this punishment. Hence, kaddish is recited during the first year after a parent’s passing. However, the custom is to recite kaddish for 11 months only. Saying kaddish the entire 12 months would give the impression that the deceased was a very wicked person who needs protection the entire 12 months.
Rav Avraham Yitzchak Hakohen Kook zt”l was asked regarding a child saying kaddish in the instance where, due to confusion, it is unclear whether the child is currently in the tenth month after the parent’s passing or in the twelth. He rules that the child should not do so, since there is a possability that he is in the twelth month it would be inappropriate to recite kaddish. It would be safe to assume that in our situation, Rav kook would advise against reciting kaddish. A similar restrictive view can be found in the sefer Shvus Yaakov (2:39).
However, Rav Yaakov Hillel shlit”a maintains that kaddish should be recited and one need not worry that it gives off the impression that the parent was wicked and is still being punished. He bases this on the teaching of the Ari z”l that kaddish is effective in elevating the soul even once it is peaceful in Gan Eden. A similar ruling was given to the author by Hagaon Rav Yitzchak Meir Morgenstern shlit”a. For practical halacha, a rabbi should be consulted.

Those that are involved in kiruv give their hearts and souls to help other Jews become closer to Hashem. They exert every effort to help them do teshuva and become more observant. A very important tool in helping other Jews is prayer. To pray to Hashem that they become closer to Him.

This is evident from a story related in the Gemara (Brachos 10a). The Gemara says, “There were these hooligans in Rabbi Meir’s neighborhood who caused him a great deal of anguish. Rabbi Meir prayed for God to have mercy on them, that they should die. Rabbi Meir’s wife, Berurya, said to him: What is your thinking? On what basis do you pray for the death of these hooligans? Do you base yourself on the verse, as it is written: “Let sins cease from the land” (Psalms 104:35), which you interpret to mean that the world would be better if the wicked were destroyed? But is it written, let sinners cease?” It is written ‘Let sins cease’. Rather, one should pray for an end to their transgressions, not for the demise of the transgressors themselves.” It seems clear from the Gemara that one may pray that someone else should repent. Which is also indicated by the Zohar (Medrash Neelam Vayeira). Yet, after analyzing the commentaries this may not be as clear as we shall discuss in this chapter.

The Question of the Maharsha
The Maharsha on this very Gemara, raises a fundamental question: How can anyone pray that someone else should repent? Does this not violate the principle of free choice that “all is in the hands of Heaven except for fear of Heaven” (Brachos 33b), meaning that Hashem does not predetermine or otherwise interfere with a person’s free choice? The Maharsha explains that it is one thing to pray for Hashem to help one’s own effort to repent, as we do in shemoneh esrei, since that is using your free choice to ask for assistance. Therefore, any spiritual improvements that results can be attributed to the person’s own free will rather than to an act of God. But when it comes to praying for someone else, this explanation does not suffice. The Maharsha does not answer the question. It would seem that he would practically not advise praying for others to do teshuva.
The Chazon Ish (O.C. Hashmatos 156) maintains that there is no difference between praying for one’s own spiritual improvement and that of another Jew. Just as praying for help in one’s own moral struggles is appropriate because the person himself is making the free-willed choice to do whatever possible to come closer to Hashem, so too, is praying on behalf of someone else. Since all Jews are responsible for one another and are thus like one person. When one prays for another Jew it is he who initiated this process and is therefore not an interference in our free will, but rather a result of our free will.
Rav Efraim Greenblatt zt”l, the author of Rivevos Efraim and a student of Rav Moshe Feinstein zt”l, offered a similar view to that of the Chazon Ish and Rav Moshe (Igros Moshe O.C. 4:40:13) rejected it and maintains that it is not satisfying. Rav Moshe agrees with the Maharsha that one may not pray for one to do teshuva. How then could Rav Meir pray for the sinners to stop sinning? Rav Moshe explains that often times one sins due to their circumstances. For example, there are people that would like to keep Shabbos but find it difficult to do so because they are in need of money and there is a temptation of parnassah etc. One may pray, argues Rav Moshe, for Hashem to send them wealth in a permissible way, removing the temptation of money. This was the case with Rav Meir. According to Rav Moshe one may not pray for someone to become closer to Hashem, however, you can pray for their physical circumstances to change in the hope that this will lead them to choose on their own to come closer to Hashem.

Summary and Conclusion
A very important tool in helping other Jews become more observant is prayer. To pray to Hashem that they become closer to Him. This is evidenced from the story og the Gemara where Rav Meir prayed for sinners in his community to repent. However, the Maharsha feels that this is improper as this violates the rules of free choice. Namely that Hashem will not interfere in another’s life in order to cause them to become more observant. Rav Moshe Feinstein zt”l agrees with the view of the Maharsha. According to Rav Moshe one may not pray for someone to become closer to Hashem, however, you can pray for their physical circumstances to change in the hope that this will lead them to choose on their own to come closer to Hashem. The Chazon Ish disagrees with the Maharsha and he feels that one is permitted and even recommended to pray for others to become more observant.

1) The final meal before Tisha B’Av is called the seuda hamafsekes and has special requirements. The purpose of the seuda hamafsekes is to experience sorrow and mourning for the destruction of the Beis Hamikdosh. (M.B. 552:1) Therefore, it is prohibited to eat meat or drink wine at this meal. (Although the custom is not to eat meat or drink wine during the Nine Days, during this meal it is prohibited and not merely a custom.) In addition, one may eat only one type of cooked food, so that the meal should not be one of honor and pleasure. (S.A. 551:1 M.B. 11, 17) The custom is for the seuda hamafsekes to consist only of bread, cold hard-boiled eggs and water (Rama 552:5, M.B. 13).
When Tisha B’Av occurs on Shabbos and is postponed until Sunday (as it does this year), the seuda hamafsekes (Shalosh Seudos) does not have the restrictions cited above. One may eat meat and drink wine and his meal may consist of many cooked dishes. (S.A. 552:10) Unlike other Shabbasim, however, he must stop eating before sunset.

2) Learning Torah on Tisha B’Av is prohibited, except for those portions and topics which are relevant to Tisha B’Av and mourning. (S.A. 554:1)
There is a debate amongst the poskim whether one may learn Torah on Shabbos when Tisha B’Av occurs on Shabbos (and is postponed until Sunday). Many poskim maintain that on Shabbos after noon, one may only learn these portions and topics of Torah which are permitted on Tisha B’Av. (See Rama 553:2 and Netai Gavriel page 522) According to these poskim Pirkei Avos is not said. (M.B. 9) Other poskim hold that since eating meat and drinking wine is permissible, learning Torah is also permissible. The Taz concludes that one who conducts himself according to this lenient view (even after noon) is not acting in error. (M.B. 10)

3) When Tisha B’Av occurs on Shabbos and the fast is postponed until Motzei Shabbos, one may not prepare for Tisha B’Av on Shabbos. Therefore, one may not bring copies of Eicha, Kinos or stools to Shul on Shabbos. (Netai Gavriel page 533)

4) When Tisha B’Av occurs on Shabbos, the customary Havdallah is not said on Motzei Shabbos. Rather, on Motzei Shabbos after nightfall, the bracha of borei meorei haeish is said upon seeing candlelight. The bracha should be recited after Maariv before reading Eicha. However, if he forgot to say it before Eicha, he may say it any time during the night. The bracha over besamim is not recited. (See Halachos of the Three Weeks by Rav Shimon Eider page 17)

5) The Gemara tells us that the Beis Hamikdash continued burning until sunset of the tenth of Av. Therefore, the restrictions of the Three Weeks and the Nine Days apply until noon of the tenth of Av. (M.B. 558:5) Therefore, one should not eat meat or drink wine until the noon after Tisha B’Av. Bathing, haircuts, washing clothes and music is also prohibit. (M.B. 2) [Regarding Havdallah, some permit drinking wine while others advise to use beer or chamar medina- for normative halacha, a rav should be consulted.]
Rav Shimon Eider zt”l (Halachos of the Three Weeks page 32) writes the following, “When Tisha B’Av falls on Shabbos and is postponed until Sunday [as is the case this year], eating meat and drinking wine is permissible Monday morning. On Sunday evening, however, it is prohibited … since the day was spent in mourning, it is not proper to assume conduct of simcha (i.e. eating meat and drinking wine) immediately after it is over. Bathing, washing clothing and haircuts are permissible Sunday evening. Music is not permitted until the morning.” Harav Gavriel Zinner shlit”a, however, permits music on Sunday evening as well. (Netai Gavriel page 553)

In many areas there are restrictions to have just 10 men gather for davening. One of the situations that can arise when there are just 10 men for the minyan is that it is possible that in middle of the davening you may lose the minyan. Someone might leave to go to work or go to the bathroom. Over the next few days we will discuss the laws of continuing davening without a minyan.
1) If one had a minyan of 10 men and the 10th man left in middle of the davening, as long as there is still 6 men remaining, the chazzan may complete the “topic” that he is in middle of, however, he may not begin a new “topic”. As we shall explain.
2) If one had 10 when he began saying kaddish and people left he may complete the kaddish, assuming 6 still remain. (S.A.55:2)
3) It should be noted that for the 10th man to leave the minyan so that a minyan no longer remains is a sin. (Rama and see Eishel Avraham Botchetch as to whether this applies to kaddish as well.)

4) If one began chazaras hashatz (even the first bracha) with a minyan and the 10th man left in middle, he may complete chazaras hashatz, including the recitation of kedusha, assuming there are still 6 people remaining. (S.A. 55:3 and M.B. 15) He may even recite the full kaddish that is recited after chazaras hashatz (e.g. the full kaddish before Aleinu by Shachris and Mincha). (ibid. Rama) During Shachris where there is an additional half kaddish (following Tachanun), the chazzan may recite that half kaddish as well. (M.B. 10 & 19) [The mourner’s kaddish may not be recited, as we shall discuss in a future email. In addition, one would not be able to start Krias Hatorah without a minyan present.]
5) Although, the chazzan may complete chazzaras hashatz (Halacha 1), kohanim may not recite Birchas Kohanim, as Birchas Kohanim is perceived as a new “topic.” In Israel and for Sefardim even in the Diaspora this is a daily occurrence, in Chutz L’aaretz this would only be relevant on Yomim Tovim. Rather, the chazzan just says the brachos (the same procedure that is done when there are no kohanim present). (M.B. ibid. and Ishei Yisroel page 148)

6) If there was a minyan for the beginning of the silent shemoneh esrei and the 10th man left during the silent shemoneh esrei, the halacha is as follows. During Shachris and Mincha one may not begin chazaras hashatz or recite kaddish. However, during Maariv one may recite the full kaddish before Aleinu, assuming that 6 men remain in shul. (Ishei Yisroel page 149)
7) If there was a minyan for reciting Barchu at the beginning of Maariv and then the 10th man left, they may recite the half kaddish before Shemoneh Esrei, but not the kaddish after shemoneh esrei. (ibid.)

8) If there were 10 men present for Yishtabach or for Ashrei of Mincha (before Shemoneh Esrei) and the 10th man left before kaddish was recited, Kaddish may not be said. (S.A. 55 M.B. 7)
9) If one said Aleinu with a minyan and the 10th man left before the mourner’s kaddish, kaddish is not said. (Ishei Yisroel page 149)

Halacha Shiurim

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